Every time I sit down to chant, it’s a battle within: the heart that knows its the right thing to do, versus the overly-distracted mind.
* Dusta mana, tumi kisher Vaisnava? *
I admit I’ve got no taste for the Holy Name whatsoever.
“When your chanting is so bad, why chant at all? What’s the point of doing it simply to create aparadhas? If you chant, do it well. Or else, just STOP! There’s no point in it anymore...” my mind says.
What a feeble excuse!
Later, I realized, there's always a reason to chant. However concentrated (or not) our japa may be. Whatever level one are at, one must try!
Srila Prabhupada once said something along the lines of, “we all must try; and if we can’t try, then try to try. If we can’t try to try, then try to try to try...”
The quote goes on. Wherever we are, we must always strive to keep moving forward. Perseverance is the key. As long as we avoid stagnation, laziness, inattention, and hopelessness, we are guaranteed to get to the perfect level eventually. Slow and steady. Never stop chanting. It’s the worst thing that can happen. Once you stop, it’s difficult to get back on track again.
Chanting Japa is serious. Kirtan, on the other hand, is always blissful (and therefore safe from aparadhas) to one and all from the neophyte to the most advanced devotee. Japa is an individual attempt to connect with the Lord, whereas in Kirtan, energy, enthusiasm, and inspiration is shared. We depend on each other. One participant's enthusiasm can easily rub off on to many. Yet, Japa is essential. The better the japa, the better the Kirtan, right? Japa gives one spiritual strength.
Japa is direct, personal association with the Supreme Lord. Can I not spare a few hours of my day to sit in the association with my dear-most Friend?! And what a sweet Friend He is! I often neglect Him, but He never neglects me. I detest conversations where the listener doesn’t listen; simply nodding a head, or murmuring “hmm...” when it’s obvious the mind is elsewhere. Dreadful inattention gives one all the more reason to chant: to improve it! Inattention is the root cause of the other ten offenses to the Holy Name, says Thakur Bhaktivinod.
Some devotees say, “Just do it! It’s like brushing your teeth: you don’t think twice about it. Just do it. It becomes daily routine.”
This simplicity struck me!
I have never been able to discover that unlimited ocean of nectar from japa. Maya in my mind questions why I put my faith in something that has never been proven directly to me, and whether I will spend my entire life pursuing this seemingly elusive goal so far off.
YES. I will continue to strive, to reach for the stars.
** Tomara doyaya asambhava sambhava hoy re! **
Even in my own circle, I've seen devotees who relish this nectar with such zeal and gusto; its inspiring. I have not experienced it, nevertheless I do believe.
Simply put, I trust in our stalwart, prodigious Acaryas and Gaudiya Vaisnava saints.
If I cannot find it in me to chant out of pure love and ecstasy,
then let me at least chant out of righteousness.
"TUNDE TANDAVINI RATIM VITANUTE TUNDAVALI-LABDHAYE
KARNA-KRODA-KADAMBINI GHATAYATE KARNARBUDEBHYAH SPRHAM
CETAH-PRANGANA-SANGINI VIJAYATE SARVENDRIYANAM KRTIM
NO JANE JANITA KIYADBHIR AMRTAIH KRSNETI VARNA-DVAYI"
“I do not know how much nectar the two syllables ‘Krsna’ have produced. When the holy name of Krsna is chanted, it appears to dance within the mouth. We then desire many, many mouths. When that name enters the holes of the ears, we desire many millions of ears. And when the holy name dances in the courtyard of the heart, it conquers the activities of the mind, and therefore all the senses become inert.”
-Srila Rupa Goswami
* Dusta mana, tumi kisher Vaisnava?
"O wicked mind! What kind of Vaisnava do you think you are?"
Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati, the Simha Guru, and also the spiritual master of Srila Prabhupada wrote in all humility 'Vaisnava Ke' comprising of nineteen verses chastising and preaching to the mind. Read it here.
** Tomara doyaya asambhava sambhava hoy re!
"By your compassion the impossible becomes possible."
An excerpt taken from 'Srila Prabhupada Vandana', a prayerful song composed in Bengali by His Holiness Jayapataka Swami.
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